Living in a shithole like this makes it hard for me to concentrate, hard for me to feel good in my own house, hard for me to want to live in my house, hard for me to have motivation to do anything.

Why??
Try living in this shithole and you know. My laptop's keyboard is down & I'm using an external keyboard to type this, and my dad says this year end then buy new laptop for me. It have been 3 yrs and 8 mnths & this laptop still 'use-able'.


My bro needs a laptop for his 1 project for A lvls, and he jolly well bought it for him, better specifications than mine somemore! Plus, still dare to ask me to bring to my sch to dl those MS words etc. cause I'm a student. But unfortunately, we need to register our lappy under the sch when we enrol yah.Too bad.

Aiyah I just need to rant. I'm like having a love/hate relationship for my dad lor, because he's my dad I also bobian. I see him getting older I also gek xim. But he bring back all the rubbish (rubbish to me, 'treasure' to him) & I'm alr 20 years old (Chinese Age lol)!!! Yet I dont have my own room. No own bed. No own room.

I just sleep where there is space. Basically there's 3 rooms. 1 for the rubbish. 2 for 4 person to slp. We just take turns to slp. Someone A sleep at room1, sometimes at room2 etc. I also donno why become like that.

I shifted a table out last yr, and that made my life a tad better, dont have to use the laptop on the bed or sofa or on my lap *DAMN HOT*! & I always study on my bed because I'm used to it

Since O levels, I study on my bed, my sofa. The books all these I just lay out on my lap because there's no table for me. Only last yr then finally got space to put a table. Then my bro and I dig out some rubbish from the room we sleeping in and put in the rubbish room. So I put my table, ironing board everything there.

But now he's the one occupying the room. Argh. Anyway, the rubbish is everywhere. Living Room, Kitchen, Opening, Store Room, Balcony, My Room, Dad's Room & Rubbish Room, Dining room.. Dad's Van.

Everywhere.

I want to clean up also no feel. Because no matter how hard I clean, it will be dirty/messy again the next day. E.g. My dad see empty space, bring up more rubbish from his van to occupy space. He dont like to see extra space correct liao. Must make until we got only a smalllllll path to walk, and when I say small, I meant SMALL! TINY!

& there's my wonderful brother, who never fails to throw his used clothes everywhere, underwear, towels, bag, papers flying alllllllll around, bring out his lovely chicken to shit everywhere, doesn't keep his plates after he finish eating in the living rooms, not to mention wash it.

My dad still expect me to iron his clothes for him when he first start school... ARE YOU KIDDING ME? He's in a JC now. & he's fucking 18 (Chinese Calender). Cannot do your own housework meh??

Not like I'm very hardworking myself though, my mum does most of the washing, and I wash allllll the mess only when I'm free & I feel like doing so. & I try my best to wash my plates/cups, but confirm I will put at the basin there. Iron my own clothes, usually I do it when I have no clothes to wear, lol. But at least I got iron?

Yah, so sometimes I dont feel like coming home is because like that. Cause it is very messy, and if i'm moody, I look at all these, I feel moodier etc. I know got improvement from last time already, but I also know this is not enough. Next time I work, come back still face this rubbish? You all can tahan I cannot. Tell my dad so many times also no use.

Why I don't want throw all these rubbish away?? Because I throw them I kenna. I throw 2 useless fans away before, and my dad ignored me for 2 months I think. Teared my favourite piano piece, lock me out of the house, dont give me my pocket money etc.

See???
I also donno how to do. But maybe I will move to the hostel in the near future, and live in a rented room. (Half work half study, tough though) But I do less housework and everything. & then get married have my own house. I dnot think my parents will allow me to have a house outside without me getting married. lol

Okay, I sort of have my simple future sorted out & I jotted it down. Maybe like how my bcomm teacher said, will be more successful in the future! I wanna be an events coordinator (i wanna see if i can take it or not), if not I will just be a part time piano teacher & continue playing in a band <3 Will be lovely if I can improve my trumpet skills!

Ok. So even with this kind of un-conductive environment I strive hard to get my As, do my projects, try to practice my trumpet & piano when I'm not lazy. If I can do that, why cant you?

*Though I have to say I'm lucky to have enough money to eat & drink happily & no need to worry about money problems like pay bills etc. etc. I guess 'jia1 jia1 you2 ben3 nan2 nian4 de4 jin1'.. Meaning, every family got their own set of problems.

Alright, after ranting I feel better. Argh, back to work!! (School Work)